Pat Maloney’s No Bologna Omelette

Those of you already familiar with Pat Maloney know what a troubadour he is. Between him playing music everywhere, and having the ability to turn any experience into a song along the way – you may just have missed the singer-songwriter’s other area of considerable prowess. In short, Mr. Maloney is up to no bologna when it comes to making EGGS. So, today we are pleased to have Pat debut his recipe for his delectable “No Bologna Omelette”. He’s even brought along a handy visual aid in the form of a video. We helped make the video right here at Northwood, and it’s set to some new song he’s got out. If music is your thing, then please feel free to find more on the song at the bottom of the page, but for now lets get right to the recipe, cause it’s all-day-breakfast here today…



RECIPE: Maloney’s No-Bologna Omelette

This zesty meal serves four for breakfast.  And I love it for dinner as well 🙂

• Oil of your choosing
• Four large eggs
• 1/2 cup of milk
• Much cheese, grated
• Roasted red pepper, chopped
• Probably too much sundried tomato chopped
• 1/4 Onion chopped-Handful of mushrooms chopped
• Hotsa lotsauce
• English muffins, dawling
• PB for days
• Fruits to get things moving

1. Heat up the oil in a pan like duh

2. Break the eggs and drop em, from as far up in the air as you can, into the nicest bowl you can find.

3. Let that milk flow mildly like a lazy dairy river upon them eggs.

4. Douce the mixture with hot sauce

5. Toss a mushroom in your mouth, then wonder why you did it as you chew through the weird bland spongy nothingness that is mushrooms.

6. Whisk while you whistle while you work

7. Pour the mixture into the pan, on lower heat than the video.

8. Toss the fixins oh so dramatically.

9. Wait for a warm egg blanket to form. There should be some goo still on top of the egg blanket.

10. Spread the fixins evenly across half the egg blanket

11. When the egg blanket is crispy enough to fold, but not so crispy that it breaks, fold half that shit over the other half of that shit!

12. Get the fruit ready for nibbling.

13. Toast the toast, spread the spreads, eat up ya hungry babies.

So there you have it folk(s). Now you can be like Pat, cause this omelette will make you grow tall and hairy. Oh, and if you like the song in the video, it’s called “Oh the Horror” and you should definitely put it on repeat while you make your own breakfast, and lunch, and dinner. Go find it here now:


Apple Music

Amazon Music


Pat Maloney on his new single, “Oh the Horror”…

“My new song, called “Oh, the Horror” is about how grotesque it is to chase a dream alone. Is what I’m doing just a blind, self-righteous mess? Am I actively, loudly delusional? On stage, with a microphone, and the lights on? Like a clown, or a cartoon? I had a five years self-employed anniversary in August. It sort of flew by and I didnt even notice. Head down, never stop working, there’s no time for celebration. Dads don’t take praise, nor complain. Dads just work. I’ve never posted anything other than just the nuts and bolts, delivered with relentless cheer, but the embarrassment expressed in this post, and in the new song is a feeling that creeps up often. I sing the words on stage, but I know they are often misunderstood, if noticed at all beyond the tone of my voice, or the chord structure, or the other superficial stuff. So, a big thanks to anyone who checks out the tune, it’s so nice to know someone is listening.”